Traffic Chaos in Treorchy As Severn Bridge Tolls Are Axed

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There was absolute traffic chaos and bedlam at Stag Square Treorchy today, with queues of traffic stretching for miles and miles, and all because the Severn Bridge tolls have been axed.

Extra congestion had always been predicted by experts when the bridge tolls closed, with fears of the traffic bottleneck moving from the toll booths further into the country, perhaps to Newport or Cardiff, but these so-called experts could not have predicted the scenes of anarchy outside Davies and Jones’ Optometrists in Treorchy today.

Unhindered
Now that vehicles can travel into Wales unhindered by queues at the tolls, coupled with tight English people who have been waiting years to visit our country who are now taking advantage of the free bridge, the bottleneck has most definitely moved, but it’s moved to the Rhondda.

Jonathan Uphill from Ynyswen, who works in Bristol said, “I thought I was quids in when I flew across the bridge and down the M4 without any traffic or tolls, then I hit a queue just past Ponty, and that was me stuck until The Stag lights. Fair play though, once past the lights, there was no traffic and I was home in no time.”

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Big City
Mary Fringe from Blaenllechau said, “It’s absolutely ridiculous really, never mind an M4 relief road, those lazy spongers in The Assembly better start thinking about a Treorchy bypass, I was 2 hours getting from Lidl to Iceland. It’s the last time I visit this big city, I’d rather shop in Blaen.”

Lyndon Flaps from the council told us that plans are already afoot regarding a Treorchy bypass, that could link the current Gelli bypass to Pentre/Treorchy at the Maindy, and then on to the A4061 in Ynyswen, but locals think that all the town (Treorchy) needs is for the council to turn off the lights at the Stag Square, and turn the junction into a mini-roundabout.

Silly Plan
My Rhondda News put this idea to Mr Flaps, and he told us, “Don’t be silly, that’s far too simple an idea, the council could not even consider first trialing something that costs as little as turning off the lights and painting a circle on the floor, we’d rather spend millions on a by-pass that we think will help traffic flow, and a new bypass probably most definitely won’t kill the high street too.”

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